CLIMIE FISHER
(UK, five Top 40 hits, two Top 40 albums)

NOW PEDESTALISED as a truly gifted songwriter, boyish multi-musician Simon Climie and his pal Rob Fisher did the business in early '88 with the absorbing "Rise To The Occasion" (fnarr) and the glorious re-issue "Love Changes (Everything)" ("ba da, ba-ba da, ba-da, ba-ba da") which hit No.2, made them the 'next big thing' fodder in the music press, and earned a rare (for the time) combination of pretty-boys-meet-genuine-talent status which the likes of Bros would never have. Climie's reputation as a boy with a gifted biro already held water even before their rise to prominence, as his epic "I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)" had gone to No.1 in '87 using the expensive throats of Aretha Franklin and George Michael. If a song is bollocks, then those two don't touch it with a bargepole, which says a lot for Climie's prowess. His band died out in the second half of '88, unfortunately, and were gone for good the following year but Climie is selflessly writing and producing to this day in order to give less-than-brilliant acts some decent songs. Traditional, pleasant and with no little genuine skill.

Biggest Hit: "Love Changes (Everything)", No.2, 1988
Defining Moment: Uniquely being both good and screamworthy.

CLUB NOUVEAU
(US, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

Yank rhythmic dudes whose only gatecrasher was a programmed hi-hat laden '87 cover of Bill Withers' seminally matey "Lean On Me" ("and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on") which took ages to get going, thanks to an insistence on opening with a hummed accapella chorus, before those single- finger drums kicked in. Even crap dancers at the school disco had no problem cavorting to this. The melody remains one of the few which untrained pianists can play with two hands.

Biggest Hit: "Lean On Me", No.3, 1987
Defining Moment: "Mmmmmm...mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm..."

CLUBHOUSE
(Italy, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

European rip-off merchants obsessed with medleys, including a bastardisation called "Do It Again (The Billie Jean Medley)" which was the only one, gratefully, which did anything of note. It charted six months after Jacko took his original to the top.

Biggest Hit: "Do It Again" (The Billie Jean Medley)", No.11, 1983
Defining Moment: Being unable to write English, presumably.

COAST TO COAST
(UK, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

Forever enshrined in the annals of mindnumbing party tunesmiths, this 60s throwback dopey lot gave us "Do The Hucklebuck" ("a-wiggle like a snake, a-waddle like a duck") which unsurprisingly caught on in the opening weeks of '81 and hung around on mobile DJ sets like a lingering fart for years after. We're pretty sure the opening riff was played on a kazoo. Although the words would suggest specific choreography was required by the check-shirted pre-adolescent audience, we believe none was actually officiated, making it all the more embarrassing. At least with "Agadoo" everyone collectively took the piss out of themselves. A follow-up "Let's Jump The Broomstick" fared much worse. Clearly we weren't as dumb as they thought.

Biggest Hit: "Do The Hucklebuck", No.5, 1981
Defining Moment: "If you don't know how to do it then you're out of luck"... shut up.

COCK ROBIN
(US, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

Less-than-engaging Yank both-gender vocal group with just one hit which we don't remember and don't particularly aspire to. However, we welcome your contributions.

Biggest Hit: "The Promise You Made", No.26, 1986
Defining Moment: Your turn.

COCKNEY REJECTS
(UK, two Top 40 hits, three Top 40 albums)

Here's an odd one. As our memory is dim, we assume from the name and the fact that their two hits were "The Greatest Cockney Ripoff" and "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" that this merry lot were a knees-up beer-and-fag-smoke East End comedy pub band, a la Chas and Dave. Which, if we assume correctly, is fair enough. But where the hell did THREE greatest hits albums come from? Defying the Trades Description Act is one thing, but actually charting with all three is quite undoubtedly another and deserves a bigger mention than we can give it right now. So we want to know more, and this is one we will definitely be losing sleep over. We salute this band, and we want you to tell us all you know, guv.

Biggest Hit: "The Greatest Cockney Ripoff", No.21, 1980
Defining Moment: Garry Bushell probably loved them.

COCTEAU TWINS
(UK, one Top 40 hit, three Top 40 albums)

Look under 'cult' in the dictionary and you'll see a piccy of this lot, devoid of mainstream success but blessed with discerning fans who made their albums bigger than their singles, as is the wont of such acts. Led by Elizabeth Whatserface, they didn't quite bed down in our memories enough for us to feel safe in assessment, so we'll leave it to you. We know there are plenty of you still out there who'll state their deserving case.

Biggest Hit: "Pearly Dewdrops' Drops", No.29, 1984
Defining Moment: Making a surprise comeback in '90.

COFFEE
(US, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

By-the-wayside one hit wondresses of harmonising sort who shrilled "Casanova" and then buggered off, presumably to cure him of his womanising ways. Any more?

Biggest Hit: "Casanova", No.13, 1980
Defining Moment: Nope.

COLDCUT
(UK, three Top 40 hits, one Top 40 album)

BEHIND-THE-SCENES collaborative twosome who programmed the synths and rejoinders and then got others to add a cursory vocal, including Yazz and the Plastic Population on highest smash "Doctorin' The House" and the then unknown Lisa Stansfield on the storming "People Hold On" ("you've got to be stro-o-ong") which unsurprisingly, set Stansfield on the road to huge solo success.

Biggest Hit: "Doctorin' The House", No.6, 1988
Defining Moment: Launching Rochdale's favourite daughter.

LLOYD COLE AND THE COMMOTIONS
(UK, five Top 40 hits, four Top 40 albums)

Misery-guts cleverclogs and anonymous backers who enjoyed good staying power throughout the mid and late parts of the decade without ever setting the world on fire. Cole, who claimed he incessantly looked miserable because his smile was awful in photos, took us on an anti-jolliness ride through pseuds-corner songs from '84 onwards, kicking off with "Perfect Skin" ("and she's sexually enlightened by Cosmopolitan" - wow) which gave him all-seated private arena popularity. The accordion-led "Brand New Friend" ("walking in the pouring rain, walking with Jesus and Jane") earned him his first Top 20 hit the following year, quickly followed by his most commercially-bowing ditty "Lost Weekend" ("double pneumonia in a single room") light-heartedly charting the demise of a relationship during a short break, and in possession of a textbook opening twangy riff which made it one of the brightest songs of what was a very good year. Cole tailed off afterwards, with the Commotions gone by '88 but he continued to make strong, purist-aimed albums into the '90s, with many loyal followers staying on board. He was way too clever for the 80s.

Biggest Hit: "Lost Weekend", No.17, 1985
Defining Moment: He always had a guitar on TOTP, but just let it hang round his back.

COLOUR FIELD
(UK, one Top 40 hit, one Top 40 album)

Short-lived but top-drawer acoustic project from ex-Specials commentator and Funboy Three irony-king Terry Hall, whose solitary chart stabber "Thinking Of You" ("who knows maybe tomorrow, we can share each other's sorrow") hit the more than reasonable heights of No.12 in '85 and prompted cheese-jock extraordinaire Peter Powell to comment "Terry Hall nearly broke into a full smile" on TOTP after the applause. Three other singles failed to do the biz, but the wonderfully-titled "Virgins And Philistines" album also got to No.12. Hall has since kept quite a low profile, with his only major comeback attempt being an okayish cover of the Lightning Seeds' flightily sincere "Sense", a song which somehow failed to befit Hall's carefully honed deadpan persona.

Biggest Hit: "Thinking Of You", No.12, 1985
Defining Moment: The TOTP performance in which Hall so did not want to be there. Also the song had an uncredited female co-vocalist. Who was she?

COMMENTATORS
(UK, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

PSEUDONYM FOR Britain's finest mimic Rory Bremner to do a piss-take of Paul Hardcastle's "19" about the sad state of English cricket, in which he impersonated Brian Johnston, John Arlott and Richie Benaud. "N-N-Nineteen Not Out" ("none of them received a standing ovation, none of them, none of them") was slaughtered by Hardcastle fans for supposedly trivialising a track with a serious message, but Hardcastle not only loved it, he produced it.

Biggest Hit: "N-N-Nineteen Not Out", No.13, 1985
Defining Moment: Getting Hardcastle to send himself up.

COMMUNARDS
(UK, nine Top 40 hits, two Top 40 albums)

Relaxed second project of scrawny falsetto potato-head Jimmy Somerville after the protestations of Bronski Beat. Teaming up with bespectacled multi- instrumentalist Richard Coles, he squealed his way through a selection of big-deal tunes, some of which were covers, and enjoyed consistent popularity throughout, helped by some memorable onstage TOTP performances when they would cram as many people in front of the cameras as possible. It kicked off in late '85 with "You Are My World"  ("you are my wor-my-wor-my-wor-my- wor-my world") which probably included the highest note Somerville has ever screeched in his life, but it was nearly a year later when Somerville would team up with redhead tallie Sarah Jane Morris to bash out Harold Melvin's "Don't Leave Me This Way" ("I can't survive, I can't stay alive") and secure the biggest selling single of the year, racked with confusion over Morris singing the line "I'm a joyful man". Probably intentional, that. Such dizzy heights were, of course, unlikely to be reached again, and the horrific follow-up "So Cold The Night" ("soooon we will be together") peaked at No.8 and two semi-hits later, the duo enjoyed their last Top 10 offering in '87 with a cheesy and outlandishly camp version of "Never Can Say Goodbye" ("every time I think about you boy I start heading for the door") with their last week on the chart less than a year away, though not once did they fail to reach the Top 40. Coles went on to write for the TLS and Catholic Herald, while Somerville had a reasonably successful 90s solo stint which included singing in French and re-branding old Bee Gees tunes, as well as staying in the public eye by virtue of Ian Hislop's facial similarities to the little fella being pointed out almost weekly on "Have I Got News For You."

Biggest Hit: "Don't Leave Me This Way", No.1, 1986
Defining Moment: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh BABY!"