SPANDAU BALLET
(UK, seventeen Top 40 hits, seven Top 40 albums)

TABLECLOTH-WEARING pretty boys whose emergence at the very end of '80 helped set the trends of New Romanticism, even if they weren't anywhere near as good as many of their peers. Led by the gold-plated croons of Tony Hadley, this London fivesome ambled their way through a string of hits, only a handful of which were, truthfully, any more than middling. The cast list consisted of Hadley, guitarist and lone-songwriter Gary Kemp (tight blonde curls, daft grin); his younger brother and bassist Martin Kemp (sultry, poseur, ex-Arsenal trainee); guitarist (initially) and then saxophonist Steve Norman (Brylcreemed blonde, jewellery, legs-open sax style); and drummer John Keeble (anonymous). They burst on to the scene with picnic hamper tablecloths and weird cossack-like undergarments to bring us "To Cut A Long Story Short" ("sitting on a park bench, years away from fighting, ah to cut a long story short I lost my mind") which got to No.5. The very tossy "The Freeze"  ("the art is pretending it's art") followed, before the alleged 'battle' for main adolescent-knicker receivers with Duran Duran started in '81 which Spandau Ballet were never going to win in a million years.  

CHILDISH

STILL, THE singles kept coming, with the absurd "Musclebound/Glow" ("tough is the leather that's strapped to my skin") which scraped the Top 10 (though the flip-side is a mystery), followed by their first of their four truly great singles, the exceptional "Chant No.1 (I Don't Need This Pressure On)". It peaked at No.3 in the summer of '81, contained the bracketed section of the title in a great flag-waving chorus, and was sampled as recently as 2000 by dance guru Rui Da Silva. Why, then, they should spoil the pop immortality of that great tune by releasing "Paint Me Down" ("paint me down, paint me down, paint me down") as a follow-up still beggars belief, being as it was a childish, dull, effortless piece of duff stuff memorable only for the posing-pouch-prairie-prancing video and a storming bassline from the younger Kemp, though neither of those factors helped it beyond a paltry No.30. "Instinction" ("stealing cake to eat the moon") came next, which lyrically was challenging and substance-enhanced (surely?) though had enough strength to repair some of the damage and get to No.10, while also being memorably portrayed on TOTP by Hadley wearing a suit with his arms out of the sleeves. The tartan food-spreaders and monk-uniforms had gone by now, with the band in smart suits and sporting natty, meticulous hairstyles.  

MATURE

THE WHITE soul boy era of '82 to '84 was artistically their best, albeit with the few inevitable bad eggs chucked in. With the onset of a new album, "Lifeline" ("so live and let live in love") got to No.7, in spite of some cringeworthily effeminate 'ooh-ooh' backing vocals from the elder Kemp, which reared their ugly sounds again on the early '83 follow-up "Communication" ("communication let me down, and I'm left here") which wasn't a single by any stretch of the imagination. Those two weedy efforts lulled the public into a false sense of security, however, with the onset of two magnificent singles for the rest of '83 which define the band to this day. "True" ("I bought a ticket to the world, but now I've come back again") was a gorgeous piece of soul balladeering by Kemp and impeccably delivered by Hadley, and finally gained them a No.1 single. Then along came "Gold" ("always believe in your soul, you've got the power to know, you're indestructible"), an awesome winebar MOR classic, lyrically mature and with a terrific contrast between initial winebar piano gentleness and powerful, hook-laden chorus. Many cite it as Gary Kemp's finest moment with a pen. It got to No.2, with only KC and the Sunshine Band's glorious return shutting the gate, which must have pissed Kemp and the rest off enormously.  

SPIRITED

DOWNHILL FROM there, with the '84 quartet of singles from the lukewarm "Parade" album all sounding stodgy. "Only When You Leave" ("laying in the afterglow, I only want to learn what you know") passed the chart test by getting to No.3 on comeback factor, but the others were awful. "I'll Fly For You" ("I'm just an average boy, you're more than average girl, and when you sing to me, the shoo-be-doos you sing so well") had Kemp regressing into bland, childish imagery, while "Highly Strung" ("she used to be a diplomat, but now she's down the laundromat") and "Round And Round" ("you're just my fantasy and I will fantasise") were plain, throwaway trash. The end was nigh, though a spirited '86 return consisted of the singalong "Fight For Ourselves" ("everybody, we gotta fight for ourselves") and Kemp's last great song, the warming "Through The Barricades" ("we made our love on wasteland, through the barricades") a beautiful, heartfelt tale of an Ulster family caught up in the troubles which got to a fantastic, unexpected No.6. Their last Top 40 entry came in '87 with the arse "How Many Lies", which Wayne Hussey of the Mission memorably reviewed with 'the only lie is that Spandau Ballet make good records' and a few stunted comeback attempts later, the bodybag was zipped up by '89.

STRUGGLERS

AFTERWARDS, the Kemps did The Krays (superbly) with Martin enjoying a fruitful acting career culminating in the best character in EastEnders for years; Norman and Keeble disappeared, and Hadley ceaselessly tried solo relaunch after relaunch with no success whatsoever. The infamous court case against the elder Kemp taken out by Hadley, Norman and Keebleover a supposed man's word over sharing royalties resulted in victory for Kemp, and now the band are trying to put their differences behind them to reform for retro tour purposes, following a dismal, sad effort by the three strugglers who had to do it as Hadley, Norman and Keeble, as Kemp owned the rights to the name of Spandau Ballet and wouldn't budge. Other memories include Hadley sweating four stone off his weight in a ridiculous leather coat at Live Aid, and the legendary Pop Quiz special against Duran Duran, in front of an audience full of Duranies. That summed up the power struggle really - there wasn't one at all. While a sizeable hardcore maintained fierce loyalty, Spandau Ballet were never anywhere near as popular or as charismatic as their main contemporaries, and actually gained a much more adult audience from '83 onwards once they had ditched the hamperwear and Kemp discovered white soul. There is still an engaging appeal about them now that nostalgia for the 80s has arrived full throttle, but in the end, the expression 'also-ran' fits them like a glove.

Biggest Hit: "True", No.1, 1983
Defining Moment: "I know this...much is....truuuue!"

Matt