W.A.S.P.
(US, five Top 40 hits, two Top 40 albums)

ACRONYMED YANK shockrockers, whose full name is mythically We Are Sexual Perverts and beyond the heavy fraternity, are perhaps only mildly famous with the non- connoisseur for their onstage antics rather than their music. Certainly they are to us, as we don't remember any of the five singles which burnt a hole in the Top 40 between '86 and '89, but we do remember moralistic 'outrage' tales among the stricter Press over chucking raw meat at crowds and horsewhipping naked women mid-show. Sounds like an average night out for your bog-standard Kerrang! reader. Should you be the type who can expand further, then we'd love to hear from you. The only other thing that leaps to mind is the asterisking of their initials on album covers.

Biggest Hit: "Mean Man", No.21, 1989
Defining Moment: Carcasses.

WATERBOYS
(UK, two Top 40 hits, no Top 40 albums)

ESSENTIALLY THE ace Mike Scott under a group moniker, and even though it charted dismally, their '85 debut hit "The Whole Of The Moon" ("I wandered round in the world for years, while you just stayed in your room") has become tagged with the title of one of the greatest songs ever recorded, even though we never thought it was anything above passable. God strike us dead for such heresy. It featured a thumping piano opening which ran unchanged throughout, while a drizzling sax solo complemented it nicely, but we, in our infinite wisdom, still think it was a little overrated. It got re-released all the way to No.3 in '91 (with Chesney Hawkes at the top) which was nice to see and made radio stations take much more notice than they did first time. Respected stooge Karl Wallinger went on to form World Party, while Scott soldiered on, unable to match his piece de resistance with a number of singles, before continuing under his own name.

Biggest Hit: "The Whole Of The Moon", No.26, 1985
Defining Moment: "I saw the crescent, you saw the whole of the moon..."

WATERFRONT
(UK, one Top 40 hit, one Top 40 album)

CHARISMA-FREE duo just out of nappies whose one hit non-wonder was the sappy, childish and downright awful "Cry" ("please don't apologise, just let me wipe the tears away") which, in making No.17, somehow defines the whole arseyness that was '89. Unbelievably, the record company released it in fourteen different formats in a desperate bid to make it a hit and we know someone who has thirteen of these formats in his largely unplayed record collection. Anyway, they were never to be seen again, and the country's gratitude was en masse.

Biggest Hit: "Cry", No.17, 1989
Defining Moment: Lack of talent.
(Thanks to THOMMO for further information)

DENNIS WATERMAN
(UK, two Top 40 hits, no Top 40 albums)

COCKNEY actor of loveable-bruiser typecast whose brassy but unheralded theme tune to the outstanding ITV duck'n'dive-dram Minder was an inevitable blockbuster of a hit in '81, with "I Could Be So Good For You" ("love ya like you want me to") always far more preferable in its instrumental form at the Ford Capri-based beginning rather than with Waterman's less-than-dulcet tones at the end, as he and George Cole sat on benches and pushed broken lamp-posts. Two years later, someone with an unforgivably wicked streak thought it would be a good idea to put the two of them on disc together, in character, discussing gift ideas for Cole's never-seen screen wife. "What Are We Gonna Get 'Er Indoors" was not worth the dough, and the two looked arse-tighteningly uncomfortable trying to mime it on TOTP. Waterman was great in The Sweeney and Minder (and crap in On The Up, though more because he wasn't sitcom material, and we're glad THAT theme tune, which he also sang, wasn't released) and should have left TOTP well alone when he was put in the charts.

Biggest Hit: "I Could Be So Good For You", No.3, 1981
Defining Moment: "I got a good idea, just you keep me near..."

JODY WATLEY
(UK, three Top 40 hits, one Top 40 album)

CONIFER-HAIRED Shalamar singer whose solo career is notable only because she turned up for both Band Aid and Live Aid and seemingly did nothing except stand around. She's certainly unhearable on the record, and we can't for the life of us remember her doing anything at Live Aid except join in the encore at the end. As for the solo stuff (the first of which appeared three years after Band Aid) she hit the Top 40 three times, yet we don't recall any of them. We'd love to, as we'd like to say something nice about her, given the excellence of her previous group, so if any Watleyites are reading this, drop us an e-mail with details of her solo shenanigans.

Biggest Hit: "Looking For A New Love", No.13, 1987
Defining Moment: Arriving at Band Aid - her appearance is ALWAYS the bit which is shown over and over again...

WAVELENGTH
(UK, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

WE CAN'T elaborate here. They were a vocal group of geezers who did something called "Hurry Home" in '82, which means diddly squat to us, unfortunately. However, the floor is open to our pal THOMMO to tell us more, so pray silence...

"The song was written by the lead singer for his wife who was about to go into hospital for an operation (!) and was something he could play on a tape as she awoke from sedation just to show how much her bloke loved her. It was then discovered by some tosser at Radio One (probably Bates, the bastard...) and was adopted as the 'anthem' by grieving relatives waiting for Our Boys to come back from the Falklands."

SO THERE we have it. A song of devotion written for a comatose individual which then became the "We'll Meet Again" of the 80s. Despite all this poignancy, we still have no desire to scour the second hand shops in order to purchase a copy, however.

Biggest Hit: "Hurry Home", No.17, 1982
Defining Moment: GOTCHA!

WAX
(US/UK, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

"ONE TWO, a-one two, a-one two three four, hold it - now!" began the only hit single for a superduo of legend back in '87. Wax were the brief funster project of bearded Yank piano serenader Andrew Gold, of "Lonely Boy" fame, and tightly-curled 10cc guitarist Graham Gouldman, who chuckled their way through the good-time singalong "Bridge To Your Heart" ("just bring your body back home, right here baby where you belong") and took it No.12. Though still a great song by two guys with sod all to prove as separate artistes or as a duo, neither they nor us took it seriously and all had a bloody good dance and giggle. Top-notch stuff.

Biggest Hit: "Bridge To Your Heart", No.12, 1987
Defining Moment: "wo-oh-oh, wo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, building a bridge to your heart, gonna build a bridge, gonna build a bridge yeah!"

WEATHER GIRLS
(US, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

WOBBLEBOTTOM shrillers of 80s legend Martha Wash and Izora Rhodes, two ex-gospel types without whom a good disco in any circumstances wouldn't be the same, though only the ladies present would realise that. Their only hit - a re-entry from the previous year - was, of course, "It's Raining Men" ("I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna let myself get absolutely soaking wet") which is rhythmically not easy to dance to, though try stopping the female section of a dancefloor from doing so. Their presence under the stylus is always a good moment for the menfolk in the vicinity to go for a refill or a pee. At the time, memories are vivid of the letters which flew in afterwards from teen females asking the Weather Girls to arrange for Simon Le Bon or Nik Kershaw to fall from the sky and land at their front doors, as well as one or two bandwagon-jumping TV weather forecasts assuring the gullible that only water was falling from the sky, so please don't be worried. The song really caught the mood of spring '84, and eventually peaked at No.2, with the presence of Lionel Richie and Bananarama either side of them making it one of the least inspiring and compelling Top 3s in history. Wash went on to record a whole range of vocals (often uncredited) on dance singles, including hits for C&C Music Factory, Black Box and Todd Terry, though Rhodes' subsequent career is less clear. Baby, it's rising.

Biggest Hit: "It's Raining Men", No.2, 1984
Defining Moment: "Hallelujah, it's raining men, amen..."

MARTI WEBB
(UK, three Top 40 hits, one Top 40 album)

CONSIDERABLY HOOTERED middle-of-the-road croonette of stage musical fame, who is synonymous in the 80s with staining the charts courtesy of Andrew Lloyd-Webber, Esther Rantzen and a not-exactly-brilliant BBC semi-soap. The king of musicals put Webb's voice on "Take That Look Off Your Face" in '80, taken from his score for Tell Me On A Sunday, and it went to No.3. That was bearable, but what occurred in the mid-decade was quite sickening. Firstly, she re-did Michael Jackson's rodent-lullaby "Ben" ("there's something you should know, you've got a place to go") as an unwise tribute to a Rantzen-pursued transplant kid whose story right up to his sad death had been plastered all over (spit) That's Life (and the bloody thing got to No.5) then she sang some lyrics alongside infamous Beeb theme-composer Simon May and his orchestra to the tune which started and ended mediocre Sunday yachting soap Howard's Way. It was called "Always There" ("your love is always there") but thankfully, the programme was nothing of the sort, as it gained a welcome axeing soon afterwards. Webb was always a scapegoat for someone else's misguided ideas, so she can emerge blameless, and she was a genuine star on stage.

Biggest Hit: "Take That Look Off Your Face", No.3, 1980
Defining Moment: Looking very uncomfortable on That's Life.

WEDDING PRESENT
(UK, one Top 40 hit, three Top 40 albums)

CULTISH second division heroes of the shoegazer, whose hits in the late 80s and (particularly) early 90s were always of the sort which were purchased by moody diehards in the first week, hence biggish placing come rundown day, before disappearing rapidly due to no-one else bothering. "Kennedy" was the only 80s effort which grazed the Top 40 borders, and we remember it but can't confidently quote with accuracy. You aren't missing much.

Biggest Hit: "Kennedy", No.33, 1989
Defining Moment: Regular sessions for John Peel.

FRED WEDLOCK
(UK, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

ACOUSTIC 'COMEDY' folk singer, and probably Richard Digance's inspiration, who took a break from the working men's clubs circuit to release "Oldest Swinger In Town" ("here you come with your lips closed tight, you never smile, no it won't look right, 'cause your dentures glow in ultraviolet light"), a gentle strum about some young-at-heart raver which got to No.6 and was amusing to anyone under the age of eleven. Wedlock had the curly hair and specs which all comics of his type sported, and still tours to this day, with particular acclaim as an after-dinner speaker.

Biggest Hit: "Oldest Swinger In Town", No.6, 1981
Defining Moment: "And it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night, you're the oldest swinger in town..."

WEE PAPA GIRL RAPPERS
(UK, two Top 40 hits, one Top 40 album)

HARDLY LIFE-CHANGING British rappette duo who caused lots of infantile toilet puns with their one major hit "Wee Rule" in '88, and collaborated with Two Men And A Drum Machine (but no trumpet) on their other Top 40 entry a few months earlier, which was almost a total non-event. Somehow, '88 was made for them.

Biggest Hit: "Wee Rule", No.6, 1988
Defining Moment: Not being particularly good.

TERRI WELLS
(US, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

DIMLY-RECALLED Yank soullette of usual production line insignificance who did the biz a bit with "I'll Be Around" in '84, which contained few redeeming features to set it apart, before falling off the face of the earth again.

Biggest Hit: "I'll Be Around", No.17, 1984
Defining Moment: Unremarkability.

WENDY AND LISA
(US, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

NEST-FLYING LOOKERS from Prince's fabulous back-up troupe the Revolution, who had a bash at success without the purpled pervo from '87 and almost totally missed the boat. Four singles fell by the wayside before "Satisfaction" ("didn't your mama tell ya, didn't your papa tell ya, to get a little satisfaction") earned some corn by crawling to No.27 in '89, though it should have gone much higher in a year riddled with chart injustice and bilge. Wendy Melvoin (guitar) and Lisa Coleman (keyboards) had songwriting credentials which extended as far as penning some of the sounds heard on Prince's career-making album Purple Rain, and their only other slice of immortality came courtesy of Malcolm McLaren who insulted them obscenely on a Radio 1 singles review show, which provoked just a few thousand complaints.

Biggest Hit: "Satisfaction", No.27, 1989
Defining Moment: McLaren calling them 'a couple of lesbians who fuck around' or something akin...

WESTWORLD
(UK/US, two Top 40 hits, no Top 40 albums)

"WELL, I'M FLYING high on a rocket in the sky..." sang the lass at the helm of Westworld, on a single which wasn't quite a one hit wonder, but may as well have been considering their other Top 40 entry peaked at the very lows of No.37. That great line came from "Sonic Boom Boy", a smashing piece of uplifting, Cochran-esque strum-pop crammed with raucous vocals and a brilliant sense of fun, hence its creditable No.11 placing, which was good going for a group of unknowns.

Biggest Hit: "Sonic Boom Boy", No.11, 1987
Defining Moment: "Sonic boom, a-boom boy!"

WE'VE GOT A FUZZBOX AND WE'RE GONNA USE IT - See FUZZBOX

WHISPERS
(US, four Top 40 hits, no Top 40 albums)

HARMONIOUS YANK funk vocal combo whose definitive tune was "And The Beat Goes On" ("just like my love, everlasting") which got to No.2 in '80 and was cruelly sliced apart by Will Smith eighteen years later for his rap dirge "Miami". They had one other Top 10 hit with "It's A Love Thing" in '81, and were still releasing semi-successful singles until '87.

Biggest Hit: "And The Beat Goes On", No.1, 1980
Defining Moment: That big hit.

WHISTLE
(US, one Top 40 hit, no Top 40 albums)

SELF-IMPORTANT rap nonentities who irritated the world and his wife in '86 with the wanky "(Nothing Serious) Just Buggin'" ("we don't mean robbing, stealing or mugging, in fact don't take it seriously, we're only bugging") which was awash with very of-its-time tempo-changing 'bug-bug-bug' voice effects. Highly annoying, and without any meaningful role whatsoever.

Biggest Hit: "(Nothing Serious) Just Buggin'", No.7, 1986
Defining Moment: "B-bug-bug-bug, bug-bu-bug-bug..." - shut up.